Teach
Kids to Resolve Conflict
Adrian H. Cline,
Superintendent
Would it not be nice if your child used
trust, caring, and respect to end conflicts?
It would be much better than name-calling, crying, or hitting.
If you would like your child to develop
peacemaking skills, finding calm solutions to discord must be a priority at
home. Your child needs to see problem
solving in action to understand how it works and to see that how we respond to
conflict is within our control.
Psychologists at
If a heated battle is in progress, these
six steps will show kids that they can resolve problems:
1. Calm your child down. Say you understand how he feels, but want him
to stop crying or yelling. Ask him to take
several deep breaths.
2. Be an ally.
Parents have an important role in making kids see both sides of a
problem while thinking about solutions.
Be neutral and show sympathy.
3. Let each child tell the story. Hearing individual versions helps you
discover the real problem.
4. Teach the use of “I” messages: “I am angry”
or “I wanted to play too,” for example.
No blaming, name-calling, or threatening should be allowed.
5. Listen.
As each child speaks, everyone present should pay attention and listen
actively. Maintain eye contact. Ask for clarification.
6. Brainstorm solutions. When you have heard both stories, let each
child share ideas about resolving the conflict.
Then ask, “Would that work?”
The big payoff comes when children can take
their peacemaking skills out of the home and into the world.
When Your Child Misbehaves at School
You receive a telephone call from your
child’s teacher who requests a conference because your child is misbehaving at
school. The teacher complains that your
youngster teases and harasses other children and takes their things; in
addition, your child talks out of turn and refuses to stay seated. This does not sound like your child. Here is what you can do:
·
Schedule a
conference to let the teacher know that you welcome his or her observations and
value his or her interest in your child.
Make it clear that you are willing to work together to resolve the
problem.
·
Ask
questions. Get the facts. What did your child do, and how frequently
does this behavior occur? What
consequences, if any, were there for your child? Has the teacher taken steps to prevent a
recurrence of this behavior? Does the
teacher have any idea why your child might be misbehaving?
·
Listen to
the teacher carefully. Hopefully, you
and the teacher can assess the situation and decide together on a firm course
of action.
·
Let your
child know that hurting other people’s feelings is unacceptable and that you
expect good behavior.
·
Do not be
afraid to ask for help from the school counselor, if necessary.
As parents, it is difficult to realize that
our children might behave less than perfectly, but if the teacher says your
child is misbehaving, it is probably true.
You can solve this problem only by accepting this reality and
confronting it directly.
The Office
of Adrian H. Cline, Superintendent of Schools, is open from