Parents Matter: Tips for Raising Teenagers
Adrian
H. Cline, Superintendent
This column is Part II of the Parents Matter report prepared for the White House conference on
teenagers by:
Parents can do so much to foster their kids’ talents and
skills and guide them toward healthy development. Parents can also shape the
communities their children grow up in. Whether you’re concerned about drinking,
drugs, violence, trouble in school, smoking, or sex (or all of the above), the
best advice for parents is the same: stay closely connected to your teenage
sons and daughters. The following are ideas in addition to those outlined last
week that can help parents make a difference in the lives of their teens.
Get to know your children’s friends and their families.
Friends have a strong influence on each other, so it is important to get to
know your children’s friends and their parents. Much peer pressure is actually
positive. Encourage your teens to hang out with healthy, positive friends.
Welcome their friends into your home and talk with them openly.
Talk with your children early and often about the pressures
of growing up and the risks they may encounter: sex, drugs, alcohol, smoking,
and violence.
Although it may be difficult to initiate a conversation, start when your
children are curious and begin to ask questions. Make it clear that everyone
experiences pain, fear, anger, and anxiety, and talk with them about the
appropriate ways to deal with troubling emotions. Make sure your kids know the
dangers of tobacco, drugs and alcohol, and sex. Frequent communication on such
issues should begin early in childhood and continue throughout adolescence, as
questions and situations continue to change. Of course, with teens in
particular, you may have to take the initiative in keeping communication going.
Create an ongoing two-way dialogue by respectfully answering each question or
topic thoughtfully. Talk to kids, not at them.
Be clear
about your own values and attitudes.
Communicating with your children about difficult issues is
most successful when you, as a parent, are certain about your own feelings. By
being open and honest, you can express your values in a caring way. Many
parents worry about seeming hypocritical, particularly if they engaged in risky
behavior as teenagers themselves but are now urging their children to take a
different path. While most teens have a very well-tuned “hypocrisy radar,” they
are often sophisticated enough to realize that, in this age of AIDS, automatic
weapons, and other dangers, new standards are appropriate.
The Parents Matter report will conclude next week
The
Office of Adrian H. Cline, Superintendent of Schools, is open from